Personal Space Bubble

Gimme Some Elbow Room

I attended a small, catholic grammar school. We got to know our classmates very well over the course of eight years.

One classmate, Robert, stood out among all the other boys because of his seemingly bizarre behavior during lunch at the cafeteria table. He would take his seat on the long bench attached to the side of the table, place his lunch bag precisely in front of him, then stick out his pointy elbows towards the unfortunate child sitting on either side of him and yell, “Give me some elbow room! I can’t eat without elbow room!”. Robert very effectively communicated his needs and woe to the person who encroached on his space.

I can’t help but think about Robert (who was actually very humorous and a fine classmate), any time I find myself in close proximity to my dogs.

Our American society values confidence and integrity. We are taught from a young age to look the other person in the eye, stand tall and own our space, and to perfect a firm handshake. We gesture with authority, stand close to foster rapport and speak with assurance using declarative or exclamatory sentences (“I can’t eat without elbow room!”). Our dogs, however, operate under a completely different set of principles, often in direct opposition to our own.

A dog staring intently at another dog is considered threatening at worst and rude at best. Standing tall with a tail held high and stiff is a sign of confidence, but it can also be seen as a challenge. Walking straight up to another dog and looking large can be considered confrontational. Gestures we as humans make to each other can feel overly assertive to our dog, especially when we push into her personal space and loom over her. The nuances of our dog’s communication, both with us and with other dogs, can be easily overlooked or misinterpreted because of their subtly and speed. Our ignorance does not, however give us an excuse; our dogs are constantly communicating with us, and we owe it to them to become fluent in their language.

Personal Space Bubble

One often overlooked and undervalued communication tool is the use of space. Our proximity to our dog can either be construed as intimidating or comforting, depending on the context.

Both humans and dogs have a “personal space bubble”: the optimal amount of space they need between themselves and an object, animal or person in order to stay calm, under threshold and willing to learn. Think about how it feels when someone you’re speaking with moves close to have a conversation with you. Every person has a different “personal space bubble” depending on the situation and will react in different ways. One person may back up to relieve the physical pressure of another person standing in uncomfortable proximity. Another may get distracted from the conversation by an inner dialogue that is commenting on the insesitiviy of the person pressing close, but may outwardly appear unaffected. Someone else may lean closer so as not to miss a single word. Still another person may abruptly end the encounter and flee the scene because thy couldn’t bear the intrusion on their personal space one more second!

Don’t Stand So Close To Me

Dogs react the same way, and fearful dogs appear to be even more sensitive to the intrusion on their personal space than other dogs. If you find that your dog appears to be ignoring you when you ask her for a known behavior, you could be pushing into her “personal space bubble”. Because of your close proximity, your dog may have trouble focusing on your request because she’s busy worrying that you are standing too close! An easy and effective way to test her level of comfort with your presence is to simply take one step back, and ask for the behavior again. It is amazing how effective it can be to acknowledge and honor our dog’s “personal space bubble”.

Robert had a “personal space bubble” that spanned both his elbows at right angles to his body. My personal space bubble is the length of my outstretched arms, while Katie’s personal space bubble with someone new is about forty feet to start with and Rosie has no apparent personal space bubble with humans of any age, size or gender, whether she knows them or not.

Question: How big is your “personal space bubble”? And more importantly, how big is your dog’s?