My ExtraOrdinary Dog

Shy and Fearful Dogs Are ExtraOrdinary

I realize the irony, but I cringe a little bit every time I say or write the phrase “shy and fearful dog”. I don’t like using “shy” or “fearful” when referring to my dog, Kate, because it immediately places her neatly in a preconceived, pre-packaged box. “Shy” and “fearful” appear to be self explanatory, and leave no room for celebrating the extraordinary, “nonfearful”, “un-shy” parts of my four legged friend.

Few dogs are shy and fearful ALL the time (unless they have generalized anxiety, or have been relentlessly flooded with negative experiences.) Typically, we learn that there are specific, quantifiable triggers like noise, strangers, other dogs, the vet, even the time of day that causes a fear based response. Most of the time, Katie is not even remotely shy or fearful.

Those labels can also give me a handy excuse for not doing all I can to help my dog learn new skills or experience a rich quality of life. Keeping my Katie’s world small is essential to ease some fears. But keeping it small without systematically reducing her stress and helping her to learn new coping skills is shortsighted and more importantly, short changing my dog.

Exercising all the aspects that make up Kate: the physical, the emotional and the intellectual, are critical. If I don’t, not only will she stay hiding behind the label “shy and fearful”, she will rely even more heavily on the very behaviors I want her to change, because she has no new, positive behaviors to substitute for the old fear-based responses.

Change is hard and change is scary. It can be hard because the dog has been practicing the fearful behavior for a while, and on some level, it works, and they don’t have a better alternative. It can be scary for us humans too, because we need to learn an entirely new set of skills, ask for help and make mistakes along the way.

But if we’re reluctant to step out from behind the labels, who will?

I wrestle with and resist the idea of labels in general, but realize that some are a necessary evil, of sorts. To give Katie the space she needs, I admit to being quick to tell strangers that she is “shy”. Longer explanations are lost on someone who just wants to pet my dog, but a short one word description usually stops them long enough so we can make a graceful retreat.

The label also gives me access to resources that are tailored to my situation. “Shy and fearful” acts as an easily accessible term for more specific explorations of individual fears, and their causes, management and solutions. “Shy and fearful” allows me to find knowledgeable professionals who specialize in helping shy and fearful dogs. “Shy and fearful” also helps me connect with like-minded people like you who have the same hopes and concerns that I do; to come together as a community for support and sharing.

So for now, I will continue to use shy and fearful, but I always mentally place an asterisk with “extraordinary” next to those words, to remind me that there is far more to my dog than the use of two little labels.