Greeting Fundamentals for Humans and Dogs
We humans have some interesting behaviors that we exhibit in the name of sociability.
In the United States, we introduce ourselves by standing up tall, walking directly up to the person we are interested in meeting and thrusting out our hand for the other person to shake (pre-pandemic, of course). Some of us even go so far as to throw our arms around the person, drawing them in for a hug and a kiss. We orient ourselves to directly face our companion, and stand about an arm’s length away to show affiliation. Most of us are taught from an early age to look another person in the eye when engaged in conversation, and we maintain eye contact throughout most of the verbal exchange, glancing away occasionally but not too often, so we appear attentive and invested.
Everything we were taught in the name of human sociability is absolutely the opposite of what we should be doing with our dogs!
Imagine how you would feel if a total stranger wearing too much cologne walked right up to you and enveloped you in a full body hug, then gave you a smacking wet kiss while stroking your face? If you are recoiling in horror at the stranger’s audacity, think about how we greet our dogs. Most dogs have learned to deal with our apparent rudeness, but for many fearful and under socialized dogs, if we apply our human greeting rituals to interacting with them, we can actually increase their anxiety, not decrease it.
Super Sniffer
Walking directly up to a dog with our hand outstretched can appear quite threatening. We invade their space, loom over their bodies to push our hand closer to their nose and stay uncomfortably close. Their sense of smell is so highly developed that according to Alexandra Horowitz, author and researcher, “while we might notice if our coffee has a teaspoon of sugar added to it, a dog could detect a teaspoon of sugar [by smell] in a million gallons of water, or two Olympic-sized pools worth.” (Source: Nova/Nature Dogs’ Dazzling Sense of Smell by Peter Tyson, October 4, 2012)
Even the most olfactory challenged dog can gather information about us from across a field. There’s no need to invade her space in the name of “letting the dog smell you” so she gets to know you better.
Be Polite
Instead, take a page from one dog greeting another: approach on a curve (not straight on).
Turn your body slightly to the side so as to minimize your silhouette and leave a good distance between you and the dog. Depending on the situation, it could mean 5’ or 10’ or 30’.
Stand relaxed, with your hands loosely by your sides, or crossed under your arms. Glance at the dog, but avert your eyes so as not to cause or increase any anxiety. A hard stare (or too long of a look) can be interpreted as aggressive, and can cause a fearful dog to back away, freeze or bark and lunge, all to increase distance and to diffuse an awkward social situation that an eager, dog-loving human can inadvertently create.
Let the Dog Approach You
Rather than focussing your attention on the dog, pretend the dog doesn’t exist. Although it sounds rude, withdrawing your attention will actually enable the dog to decide whether to approach or retreat on her own terms, not under coercion.
A dog should always, always have the option to approach (if it is safe for all involved), stay where she is or walk away.
Be conscious of the dog’s body language at all times. A wagging tail is not always the sign of a happy dog. Ideally, a the dog’s tail should be “swishing” from side to side broadly or in a circular motion, often with the dog’s hind end wiggling, too. A low tentative wag between the legs or a high, stiff wag are indications that the dog may not be in an emotional state to welcome an interaction. The dog’s mouth and brow should appear relaxed, ears not plastered back, and the eyes should be soft.
A dog who seems hesitant, becomes still or stares pointedly should never be approached.
Do Not Close the Gap
In addition to asking the dog’s person if the dog would like to be petted, ask the dog. If the dog approaches you, has time to sniff you and chooses to stay close, ask the dog if they would like to be petted by stroking the nearest shoulder or under the chin for a second or two, then withdrawing your hand. No looming over the dog, though! Bend slightly at the knees if you can’t reach the dog with your hand at your side. If the dog retreats at any point in the interaction, she’s had enough. If she pushes into your hand, continue petting for another couple of seconds.
If the dog does not approach on her own, do not close the gap! The dog is clearly choosing not to physically interact with you. Respect her wishes.
Now that you know the appropriate way for a human to greet a dog, let’s look at ways to help your dog get comfortable greeting strangers on the street.
First Things First
Just as it is important for a human greeting a dog to be aware of what the the dog is saying through her body language, it is absolutely essential that you, as your dog’s champion, guardian and protector, become fluent in your own dog’s body language.
YOU must be proactive about allowing greetings (or not) and be fearless in protecting your dog from unwanted attention.
Observe what she is saying through the position of her ears, tail, weight, facial muscles and fur, and make your decision to allow the interaction or not based on what your dog is telling you.
Practice Makes Perfect
If your dog is uncomfortable meeting strangers outside the home, even if they follow your greeting instructions to the letter, your dog may need to first practice in low stress, high success environments. Start by asking trusted family members who already have a positive relationship with your dog to act as a respectful “stranger”. Start practicing greeting in the house (or wherever your dog is most relaxed), then move to the yard, in front of your house and then to different remote locations. Use family members in all these contexts before setting up a controlled scenario with a new person outside the home. Practice the greeting 3-5 times during a session, then stop. Your dog needs to process what she is learning, and you want to keep it interesting and fun for her.
The Emergency U-Turn Saves the Day
Teaching your dog to choose to move away from a stranger and come back to you for treats is one of the fundamental behaviors every dog should know, but is especially valuable for fearful dogs. You can also start practicing this behavior in the house, whenever you are near your dog. Have treats ready, call her name once, make kissing noises and take several steps backwards so you look lively and interesting. Offer a treat as soon as she turns her head, then offer another as soon as she catches up to you. It is not meant to take the place of a recall cue; it is the first part of disengaging from the stranger, getting “unstuck” if she is afraid, and getting delicious treats while putting distance between her and the scary human.
When your dog is reliably turning and moving toward you in the house with no distractions, turn and walk a few steps while feeding your dog as she stays by your side. This serves to create even more distance from the stranger. Occasionally toss a treat a few feet ahead of you to make the training even more fun. Once you’ve conquered the U-turn in the house (with and without a leash), take it outside to the yard.
Do not introduce a family member as the practice stranger until you and your dog are proficient with the U-turn in all different environments. When your dog can reliably complete the behavior at least 80% of the time, name it something special, like “let’s go” or “reverse engines” or whatever works for you.
Always practice the emergency U-turn with a completely loose leash…no tension at all! You will exacerbate your dog’s fears by forcibly pulling her away from a situation that is already causing her anxiety. A tight leash or collar can cause her to panic more and react badly. It is critical for the emergency U-turn to be well rehearsed and have only positive associations.
If your dog has bitten or threatened to bite when approached by a stranger, please seek the guidance of a professional trainer who uses force free training methods and has proven experience with fear and reactivity.
If you would like to know more about the emergency U-turn, trainer Emma Parsons breaks the steps down beautifully in her booklet Teaching the Reactive Dog Class:
http://www.teachingthereactivedogclass.com/files/trdc-handouts.pdf
Greeting and Muzzles
In emergency medical situations or for training purposes, a dog who has been trained to love her muzzle is going be safe and feel comfortable. Desensitization and counterconditioning to the muzzle is critical for your dog’s welfare and can decrease anxiety and stress (yours and your dog’s) when learning new behaviors.
While a muzzle is a great management tool, it is crucial that your dog isn’t pushed over threshold (the point where she no longer feels safe and fear takes over). Although a muzzle removes your dog’s ability to bite, you must still address the underlying emotions behind her discomfort with strangers, and take the modification of her behavior very slowly.
Here are two good sources of information about muzzle training:
https://www.clickertraining.com/muzzles
https://muzzleupproject.com/muzzle-training/
The Source of All Good Things
Should you provide treats for the strangers to give to your dog?
Treats given by an unfamiliar hand can lure a dog in far too close for her comfort, and while she may take the risk in order to get the tasty morsel, when the food is gone, she could very well panic and “forget” that she can simply walk away.
Often, the person will say, “but she looked like she wanted to say hi, then she started barking and lunging, and I don’t understand why!” You are the only person who should be giving your dog treats in this scenario, as a reward for choosing to move away or when you ask her to disengage with the stranger and come back to you.
Stranger Danger A Mile Away
You may have a dog that is so sensitized to the sight of strangers, even at a distance, that she starts reacting long before they come close enough to actually greet your dog. If that is the case, find a distance at which your dog is not reacting (and it may be a football field, but the distance is set by your dog’s comfort, not yours).
When you find a comfortable distance (as long as the stranger is still visible) quietly start feeding your dog one treat at a time, occasionally throwing some on the ground. When the stranger leaves, the treats stop and you can quietly resume your walk.
This technique combines desensitization, which exposes your dog to a trigger at such a low level that she does not become anxious, and counterconditioning, which changes her emotions from negative (fear) to neutral or positive by associating the trigger with something delicious and tasty.
You are asking your dog to do nothing except enjoy the treats “raining from the sky” when the trigger appears, then stopping the treats when the trigger disappears.
With enough distance and time, your dog should see a stranger and turn to you as if to say, “Did you see that? Where’s my treat?”
For more information regarding counterconditioning, please refer to:
https://www.newhorizonsvbs.com/sites/site-6021/documents/CHANGING%20YOUR%20DOGS%20EMOTIONAL%20RESPONSE.pdf
And for desensitization:
https://cognitivedogs.com/2017/08/13/desensitization-article/
At the End of the Day
Respect your dog’s right to NOT greet a stranger. Despite all the hours of training you may have dedicated to appropriate greetings, your dog may never feel comfortable interacting with other than a select group of friends and family.
At no point should she ever be forced or coerced to interact with anyone, regardless of how badly they want to say hi to your dog.
Instead, put your emergency U-turn to good use, put some distance between the approaching human, and let your dog know that you will keep her safe by removing her from any situation she finds stressful.
Here are a few additional resources for how to greet a fearful dog:
https://thebark.com/content/bat-proactive-training-gives-dogs-tools-they-need-succeed
https://www.amazon.com/Behavior-Adjustment-Training-2-0-Frustration-ebook/dp/B01BG05UAW
https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Back-Yard-Anytime-Anywhere/dp/0988781859
http://careforreactivedogs.com/
Photo Credit: Josep Monter Martinez / Pixabay
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